A good private investigator never takes on a cheating spouse’s job for the drama. Whether living in Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, or elsewhere, Clients hire us to answer a question and find evidence of the truth of their marriage.
While we catch cheating spouses, we also see evidence of what married couples do that creates rifts or resentment in the relationship. It’s crucial to note that problems in a marriage are typically more complex than people realize.
Through years of on-the-job observation, private investigator Whitney Joy Smith came up with some advice or 10 secrets to a lasting marriage. Keep reading to find out what they are!
1. Do You Know Who You’re Marrying?
Who you marry is the single most crucial decision you make in life. Well-known American business magnate Warren Buffet has repeatedly stated that marrying the right person is more important than making suitable investments or career choices.
And according to a study published by Carnegie Mellon University, those who marry a supportive person are more likely to thrive when given career opportunities. Those who don’t marry a supportive person are less likely to pursue growth opportunities because it hinders their ability to succeed.
Today, most people turn to online dating to find a spouse or partner. While many people present the truth, some don’t, which leads to cat fishing and other online scams. Before you walk down the aisle with your special someone, you must ask yourself if you truly know the person you’re marrying.
When in doubt, hire a private investigator to run a background check. A background check investigates a person’s history to confirm their identity, credit history, criminal record, education, employment verification, social media, and more.
If you’re worried your potential spouse might become angry or upset at the idea of a background check, take it from a private investigator, this could be a red flag. In general, those with nothing to hide don’t mind the idea of a background check. It brings these couples closer because they’re open to sharing their secrets.
Those who become angry or upset might have something they want to hide, and when it comes to your future, wouldn’t you rather be safe than sorry? At the very least, you can walk down the aisle knowing who you’re marrying.
2. Clear Communication
Couples with a clear communication style don’t often hire private investigators. When communications change, stop or become suspicious, married people turn to a private investigation agency for help.
Private investigators often see clients suspicious of several types of activity, including,
- A change in behavior
- Improved appearance
- An altered schedule
- Sudden lack of communication (a partner is unreachable)
Interestingly, after a private investigator provides a client with a report, couples often express an improvement in their communication. They’re more likely to start a conversation about the problem that caused them to seek out a private investigator in the first place.
3. Similar Financial Goals
Did you know that the way couples argue about money is the top predictor of divorce? It’s true! Check out this study from Kansas State University for the National Survey of Families and Households.
If you need further proof, here’s another study by Ramsay Solutions (2017) that reported that while infidelity was the most common subject couples fought about, money came in at a close second. Time and time again, Private Eyes see couples say, “I do!” without so much as discussing finances.
People maintain separate, sometimes secret bank accounts; spend more than their fair share, or even steal from their spouses. This is why one of the ten secrets to a lasting marriage is to ensure you and your partners have similar financial goals or approaches to money.
Private investigators can help with an asset search but are often hired when couples call it quits. Please don’t let the situation reach this point. Talk about your finances and financial goals today and work toward achieving a common understanding, whether it’s a savings goal or budget.
Trust us. It will save you from many arguments in the future.
4. Do You Have Something to Hide?
Do you have accounts you haven’t shared with your spouse? What about the fact that you’ve been married before or have a criminal record for something stupid you did as a teen? Private investigators understand that people carry around a lot of shame.
We see it all the time in our investigations. However, what makes things worse is for a spouse to discover a secret, whatever it may be. Secrets shatter trust in a marriage. In most cases, if the person holding onto their secret was honest, they could prevent pain and damage to everyone involved.
Clients that suspect their spouse is hiding something hire private investigators for surveillance. Surveillance is the act of watching an individual (or group of individuals) to gather information.
Surveillance cases often require a lot of preparation and patience, but ultimately, the information gathered in a private investigator’s report reveals the truth about spouses. And activities can range from taking secret dance lessons to cheating to trying to work two jobs simultaneously.
While some secrets (like dance lessons!) aren’t harmful, the behavior accompanying them can kill a marriage. It’s going to sound cliché, but to have a lasting marriage; honesty truly is the best policy!
5. Spend Time Together
One big reason clients ask private investigators to find out if a spouse is cheating is because one half of the married couple stops wanting to spend time together. Spending time together is one of the best ways to stay connected as a married couple.
Once one or both people within the marriage stops making time for the other, that connection gets lost. This study showed that little research had been done on a couple’s shared time and how that time is associated with well-being.
Regardless, the study’s results concluded, “Of significance is that individuals experience greater happiness and meaning and less stress during time spent with a spouse as opposed to time spent apart.” Of course, it’s completely understandable how children can impact how much time a couple spends together.
However, connecting over the day or week helps a marriage last. For example, hug your spouse when they come home from work or reach out with a sweet text message during the day. Show appreciation for your spouse and say thank you.
From a private investigator’s perspective, couples who make time for one another and try new activities together aren’t typically those who call for help in proving infidelity. Need some date night suggestions? Try these (and add your own to the list!):
- Try something new, like mini-putt or batting cages.
- Visit a museum or art gallery.
- Go for a walk or hike.
- Sign up for a dance lesson.
- Try a new restaurant.
- Go for a couple’s massage.
- See a play or musical.
- Cook dinner together and watch a movie.
- Have a board game night.
6. Consider Counselling
It might surprise you to learn that private investigators often see married couples reconcile after damaging behavior like infidelity. Clients who receive a private investigator’s report help them figure out how to approach their spouse.
It knocks down walls and opens the lines of communication within a marriage. Hiring a private investigator can force couples to discuss the problems in the union. Couples willing to work on their marriage seek out counseling or therapy.
Both help each person in the union better understand what caused problems in the marriage. If the spouses can forgive each other, counseling increases the longevity of the marriage. Of course, private investigators also see the opposite.
In these situations, whatever issue a private investigator unearths can completely shatter what was left of the marriage. So the key here is not to let your relationship get to the point of resentment. Seek out counseling sooner rather than later. It will likely bring you closer to a lasting marriage.
7. Forgive Mistakes
Private investigators know from experience and training that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. When it comes to making a marriage work, couples make mistakes all the time. And some of those mistakes hurt.
But what hurts a marriage more is holding onto anger, little annoyances, and disappointments. Holding onto hurt always leads to resentment. According to health experts at John Hopkins, forgiving someone decreases depression, anxiety, and stress.
Forgiving someone can also reduce other health risks like heart attacks and improve sleep. When clients approach private investigators in Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, or elsewhere, it’s evident when they’re coming from a place of resentment with their spouse.
It’s more common than one would think for a spouse to believe the worst due to past hurts. For example, we’ve had a client request us to do surveillance on their spouse. When our private investigator found nothing, the client felt determined that we had missed something and hired us again.
We had to end the client relationship when our investigator still found nothing. In this situation, the damage was done before the client hired our private investigation team. It’s important to note that, yes, some actions that aren’t forgivable.
However, a private investigator’s job is to uncover the truth for their clients. What clients do with the information and how they choose to move forward is up to them. Sometimes a marriage ends in separation and divorce, but sometimes mistakes are forgiven, and couples use the opportunity to reconnect.
8. Make Time for One Another
This one’s similar to spending time together, but hear us out! Private investigators see this all the time: married couples start to have children, careers take off, and suddenly they don’t have time to see each other. Naturally, the marriage drifts apart.
Life gets busy. But if a married couple doesn’t make the time for one another, sweet text messages during the day just aren’t going to fill the gaps.
9. Build & Maintain Respect
Whenever a private investigator speaks to a client about potential infidelity, it’s immediately evident in the discussion that there’s a lack of respect in the relationship. Unfortunately, in most cases where a marriage lacks, even if there isn’t any infidelity, the relationship rarely lasts the test of time.
It’s exceptionally challenging to come back from losing respect for your partner, so focusing on building and maintaining respect is crucial for the success of any marriage.
10. Put in the Work (Together)
The ultimate piece of advice from a private investigator that’s seen it all is: successful married couples put in the work. Together, a couple works toward building a life free from deceit and lies, one full of respect for one another, where both people support one another.
While many people think that marriage is 50/50, this isn’t true. A truly successful marriage means that both people bring 100% of themselves to the table to make it work. The moment one or both people begin to check out without communicating or feeling like their needs aren’t met, the marriage is in for a lot of trouble.
The Truth about a Lasting Marriage
When it comes to marriage, a private investigator is the last person couples would think to go to for advice. However, our decades of experience make us a great resource. We’ve seen what can tear couples apart, and although our goal is to present clients with the truth, we only want to help.
Our hope is that taking these secrets to heart will help make a marriage last the test of time.